and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
