i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
