Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
