I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
