We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
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