The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
