His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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