Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
