i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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