HIV tests are more positive than that guy
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
