ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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