you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
