my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize