Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
