Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
