Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
