I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
This couple is walking their pig around campus
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
