Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
