She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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