My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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