You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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