She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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