I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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