I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
