Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
i came on her dog
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
