There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
