wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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