i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
