spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
