Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
