So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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