I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
