Don't make out with my wife yet
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
