Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize