If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
