Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
