How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
