Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
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