You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Randomize
