Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I am midnight drunk by noon
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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