Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
