Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
