u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
