I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
