Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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