there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
