new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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