i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
