That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
