Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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