Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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