The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
