I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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