1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
