So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You don't make any sense
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