God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
