i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
she told me i tasted like america
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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