he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
