i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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