Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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