hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
