you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
