mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
