oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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