Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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