Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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