was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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