You smell like stripper and shame
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
