Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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