We named our party play list daddy issues
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
