I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Randomize
