woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
