Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
