No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
