walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
