I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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