Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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