I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
