how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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