Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
