I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
it was like having sex with a tree stump
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize