Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
