I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
