I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize