I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
