so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I wish i was in the wii world.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
