you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
