soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize