I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Quick, to the slutcave!
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
