she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
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